Doilies in D Minor

Part I

(or, loving the crazy person in your life)

So, you love a crazy person. Be it in a heterosexual, homosexual, platonic, filial, or parental manner, you love someone who won't fit in the "normal" category, no matter how hard you (or they) try. For the sake of brutal honesty, we'll just refer to them as "crazy" for now. Most likely society has branded them as such at some point anyway, and they know it. Please understand, crazy is not derogatory in this sense. In fact, we'll use it as a term of endearment.
The scientific schools of psychiatry and psychology are excellent at filing all the crazy people into little illnesses; locking them into finitely labeled boxes of psychoses, disorders, and tendencies. For the most part, we're going to ignore that. Do not look at your crazy loved one as an ADHD Case, or a Severe Depressive, or a Borderline Personality. This is a person, a mind, an entity the same as you or me in the rights of their existence, and above all, you love them. You are their friend/parent/sibling/lover/child, and NOT their case worker, doctor, or critic. They have those already.
It is important to understand that your crazy person (or CP, for short) is different from you in a multitude of ways. This should seem obvious, but take a moment to rethink it anyway. They didn't start off the same as you, and become irrevocably changed by some freak accident. They have always been different. Because of this, you may not understand them near as well as you believe you do. Go ahead and ask them about themselves, and what you don't understand. This may seem invasive or rude to you, but it's only a question. If they don't answer, you haven't lost anything, and if they do, you could learn something important.
On that note, don't assume they adhere or are even aware of the unspoken rules of etiquette, personal space, or social interaction that you live by. They're different, remember? What you take for granted may be something the CP has never contemplated. If something they do makes you uncomfortable, explain it and ask them to stop. Anger or insult should not be your first response. You love them, they deserve the benefit of the doubt. And, if you are uncomfortable with something they do, maybe the feel the same way about something you do.
One of the most common, and uncomfortable, hurdles with crazy folk is intensity of emotions. Perhaps they are quick to tears, or prone to bursts of anger. Maybe they express joy in an exagerrated manner, or they lock themselves away and show no emotion at all. It is all a matter of equivalency, really. If you have a loved one who bursts into tears every time they are sad, it doesn't mean that every sorrow is a tragedy. Their normal response to being sad may be bouts of weeping, whereas yours may be some frowns and a pensive look. Same emotion, just different responses. Pay attention and learn how the CP in your life expresses emotion. Acceptance and understanding are all that is usually required to make things easier. The exception being if their reactions put themselves or others in immediate danger.
In the event of someone who poses harm to other people, there is no safe option but to involve an intermediary authority. A violent or abusive person, no matter how much you love them, needs to change. Call the police, go to anger management classes with them, DO SOMETHING.
In the event that someone is a danger to themself, it is not so cut and dry. Most people are a danger to themselves in a general manner. What we're talking about now falls into the category of "bodily harm". There are a number of ways to handle these sorts of situations. Each one is tricky, and particular to circumstance. The most important thing to know, and the bottom line, is this: it is ENTIRELY within a person's rights of living to do as they wish to their body, or to take their own life. It is also ENTIRELY within your rights, as someone who loves them, to fight them and/or stop them, by whatever means. If you are entirely sane and normal, and have never entertained thoughts of self-harm or suicide, you need to understand that a suicidal person is not merely "sad". A suicidal person is in pain. It is a very real pain, and the basic train of thought is this: "if I die, I'll stop hurting, and i will never hurt again. If I don't die, my future holds the possibility of nothing but pain, forever and ever." You may not be able to understand this, and that is OK. It is still real. And, if you stop a suicidal person from killing themself, they may not be grateful. Look at it this way: they sought to stop hurting forever, and you forced them to stay in pain. Be prepared for what will follow. (I am NOT advocating allowing people to die. I am simply telling the truth as I've seen it.) To help stop suicidal thoughts from going too far, love the person in question. They have no reason to live (in their mind) and actual reasons to die. Show them you care; talk to them, tell them you love them, take them out to a movie or shopping or whatever. Just care. If it is truly a life or death situation, don't hesitate to call the police or a hospital. Your loved one may resent it, but unless you're a doctor, you need people with medical qualifications to save a life. And just FYI, the police will do "wellness checks" through 911 if you have reason to believe your loved one is dying, and you can't reach them.
If someone you love has actually killed themself, understand that they did not leave you because you failed in some way. It was their decision, and not your fault. I recommend that you talk with the other people they left behind, and find healing together.

Depression. I see you've heard the term. It's waved around everywhere these days, almost as much as ADD. Depression is being sad. It comes in varying degrees, and this may change depending on person and situation. You can be depressed over getting a bad grade, or dinging your car door. This may make you sad for a day or so, but you'll get over it, and life goes on. On the flip side, you could wake up one day to a world significantly suckier than the one you went to sleep in, and sink into a bout of depression that lasts for months. Depression is, really, a matter of degree. Basically depressed people are very sad. The more severe the depression, the sadder they are. You know what is to be sad (since you're human), and you know what you do to cheer someone up. So I'll just go into detail for a quick bit, and move on. The most important thing to understand about depression is that the deeper the depression, the more distorted the thought patterns. A severely depressed person doesn't know you love them. They don't know they have a bright future, or that they do a good job. They KNOW that everything is horrible, that they are a bad person, the world hates them, etc. In bad cases, you may not be able to convince them that you love them until they come out of it and get better. Don't argue the fact unless you know arguing will help them. A severely depressed person will make the slightest bit of anger, frustration, or pain into an assault on themselves. Sometimes you won't be able to make it right. The most you can do is love them and know that when they get better, they'll love you too, and they'll know that you didn't leave them when they were down. Living with a depressed person is hard. Remember that they aren't sad because of you (unless they are, in which case you know it). If depression turns into something worse, such as suicidal tendencies, don't be afraid to resort to a doctor.
You live in the same world as your crazy loved one. You breathe the same air, know the same people, do the same things on rare occasions. But you do not inhabit the same reality. Everyone's reality is different. Science can prove to us that the real world we all live in is truly the same for everyone. But perception defines the reality we inhabit, and you may find that sometimes the defining perceptions are ones you can't abide by. Here, it's time for a serious judgement call that I can't help you with. For instance, there are some types of craziness that require medications to live in the "real world" as defined by society. Severe paranoia and schizophrenia are some examples. If you know a schizophrenic, you may understand already what I mean. Schizos perceive the world in a completely different manner than most people do. And while it's ok for them to see things the rest of us can't, there's a limit as to what is acceptable in society and what flat out isn't. As open as you want to believe the world is today, a person who converses with things that the majority can not see will find a whole world full of shut doors and hatred and prejudice. You may find yourself in a battle to get your loved one medical attention that they don't think they need, and I can't give you any words of wisdom on that. I can, however, tell you that it is important not to inflict your reality on them more than is necessary. Tell them that you don't see what they see, and explain to them that most people don't see it either, but don't tell them it doesn't exist. Existence is very subjective, and if they see it, in the same way they see you, it exists for them. Destroying someone's reality will never endear you to anyone, and should be avoided at all costs.

A few general things:
-never refer to your CP as "insane". Insane is a legal term, so unless they've committed a crime and are in trial for it, it does NOT apply, and is only hurtful.
-"crazy" people are different, but that does not make them any less human. They are worth exactly as much as you and everyone else, and should be afforded all of the same rights and respect. I realize that this writing refers to them as if they are some outside entity, but that is because it's how they are treated by the world. I know; I'm one of them.
-love is the most important thing in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. (As manly as you want to be, you know it to be true; don't lie to yourself.) Love your crazy friends and family, and they'll love you for it. It's the most important thing you can do for someone.

To be continued in Part II (or, how to go crazy in a sane world!)