Or, How I Went Crazy in a Sane World.
Should anything untoward happen to me, there is nobody who will know my story. It is my vanity that makes me want people to know it. Even if it is only 3 people who happen upon this blog, at least my story will be read. And it is not only my story; it's the story of contemporary America. America likes to pretend the world still works according to antiquated ideals and rules and laws, but it isn't true. The youth of today is rotting inside out. And it's not the drugs or the sex or the rock and roll that's causing its decay. It's something more general, more surreptitious. It's the quality of life that has emerged in our horrifying country, something that has crawled out of the wreckage of the brilliant ideals America was built on; the blissful suburbs, the morals printed in the glossy pages of magazines, the democracy, the "work ethic", the "patriotism". These are imaginary truths that unfortunately are granted far more creedence than they deserve in this day and age. And so the other truths are neglected and forced into the shadows, and America's future rots in the gutters and the streets and in the Juvenile justice system. America as a whole should do itself and its children a favor, and stop focusing so much on how life is supposed to be, and take a good luck at how life is instead.
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EDIT: My mother wants me to remove this, because I've hurt people by writing the truth. I'm removing it as a favor to her, and because my intention was not to hurt anyone. The point is this: I don't write out of bitter revenge. I'm very good at exposes, but I don't do them, because contrary to popular belief I don't like hurting people. I don't like the way that society and culture IS. There are a lot of people who are content to say that yes, it sucks, but it's just the way it is. I'm not one of them, and if that knocks me down to petty complaining, I'll take that rather than bland acceptance. Life is not about the lesser of two evils. There should never be a point in life where it's ok to say "yea, this sucks, but o well." I don't like this culture, society, or government. I think there needs to be a change, a drastic change, an avalanche of changes. Everyone asks me if I have an idea, an utopia in mind, some perfect plan. Nope. Things don't change or get better by being the same. Stagnation is not the fast track to evolution. The best way to get things moving, in one way or another, is to introduce something new to the situation. It's like a chemistry experiment with no instructions; just throw ingredients in, and see what happens. I'm throwing my piece in, and what I have to offer. Things don't have to go my way. I don't even have a way, per se. But shit, they need to go somewhere other than here. If you agree, don't be afraid to throw something new in to the well-oiled gears of this American machine. Rules are made to be broken, right? We wouldn't be here if it weren't for some whackos crazy new idea 200+ years ago. Look at the world through a new lens, and see where that takes you.
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4 comments:
It takes alot to bring me to tears but reading that did. Not many people understand the emptiness of truly wanting to die, most only say or attempt it for attention, but reading that makes me know that you understand what death is. It's not the sugarcoated clouds and pearly gates that people have been brainwashed to believe, it is what it is...nothing. Reading an account of the circumstances bringing someone to think about that brought me back to how i felt when i was that way. It's cold. Either way you're not alone in feeling that low. I'm sure you know who this is and if you need someone who understands where you're coming from to talk to i'm around.
I may never understand the feelings that your life has filled you with through the years but not understanding and not trying to understand or care are two completely different things. I will always be willing to listen learn and understand as much as you are willing to share. Your writings have helped me see a side of you I never really knew. I have truly enjoyed the past several years I have gotten to know you and I look forward to learning more each day. If you ever need anything at all you only need ask.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith
In a way it's kind of funny to me how similar our situations have been. I don't know if I ever told you.
But it's true. I too grew up in a different culture, and became displaced. I grew up in a broken household, a product of abuse. And I lived and struggled through being raised by a single mother while taking care of my sister.
The story does differ a bit after that, being male and all. But all in all it is surprisingly similar. Or perhaps not so surprisingly. Maybe that is why I have long felt a kind of kinship with you.
Maybe that's why I tried to make friends. After all, I think "we" have to band together.
One more thing, thank you very much for putting up a link to my blog :D. Much appreciated!
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