Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fungus

Do you ever feel like you're standing on the edge of a high cliff? Like, as long as you don't look down, you'll be fine. But as soon as you see it, you'll fall off it and never be able to get back.

I've been waiting for a yes or no from a job I applied to. My plan, if it can be called that, was either to get a yes, and turn in my 2 weeks here, or get a no, and look for another job. It's getting harder and harder to wait, though. I love my store very much. I feel like it's mine, and collectively ours (the group who works there). I take pride in how I run it, and how much I know about it. But my extreme loathing for the company that runs it is building up, and one day the dam is gonna explode, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I fairly blatantly have a "problem with authority". People telling me what to do gets under my skin, fast. So a certain amount of irritation is to be expected, and I work past it most of the time. But when my corporate bosses tell me that because I'm a girl I'm unfit to have managerial responsibilities, that whips me into a red hot fury, the kind that people don't escape from. I'm not exaggerating, by the way. A District Manager of a neighboring district told us that female employees who feel uncomfortable closing alone don't deserve to have the responsibilities of a management position. Nothing in any of our job descriptions say "willingly put yourself in obvious danger to make payroll costs cheaper for your bitchass company". And gender has nothing to do with whether someone deserves a position or not. But, that's the company I work for.

I do realize that there's a lot of bullshit that you simply have to swallow at any job. But there's a line, and they've crossed it. And there really is a point where I have to either leave and keep my dignity, or stay and hate myself for staying. And I think that point is nigh.

/sigh.

I could use more quality time with my loved ones, I think. It's so easy to lose track of time in relation to my....relationships. Worst sentence ever -.- Optimally, I'd like to hang out with my friends at least every other day. But there's always work, and it always gets pushed further and further...

I'm standing on that cliff, and I'm terrified to look down. I'm afraid of what waits at the bottom.